Coaching Up the Parents: Comparisons

Coaching Up the Parents: Comparisons

Comparisons

Patience: Allow the athlete to develop at his or her own pace.  If they love to play, allow some breathing room and time to achieve their potential.  Help parents encourage the athlete to stick with it rather than badgering them about what they can and cannot do.

Self-Charting: Only compare the youth athlete against where he or she was last game or last season.  Some kids are just supremely gifted and it is unfair to compare the typical athlete against prodigies.  Show the athlete tangible proof of improvement. 

This isn’t about coddling; it’s about positive reinforcement and keeping kids invested so they receive the life lessons taught in team sports.  The parents must be in lock-step with where they see the youth athlete’s current stage and future expectations for improvement.

Proof of Concept:  There’s no better example of what’s possible than Michael Jordan.  Cut from his high school basketball team, he stayed with it to become the greatest athlete in history.  Jordan was not the “chosen one” as a high school sophomore.  He was cut.  Use examples of what’s possible through hard work, discipline, and grit.

Coaching Up the Parents: Concussion Management

Coaching Up the Parents, Part V

Concussion Management

Training:  Encourage parents to hold us coaches accountable.  Parents should ask if the child’s coaches are trained in concussion management – identifying symptoms and following “return to play” policies.

Education: Parents are absolutely responsible for learning about concussion management to protect their athlete.  Provide parents with concussion resource material.

Align Goals:  Parents must be aligned on what sports their child will play.  Especially when it comes to contact sports like football.  There are a lot of team sports to choose from.  Parents should listen to the spouse’s or ex’s concerns about what sports they are comfortable allowing the child to play.  And listen to child – don’t “force” him (or her) to play a contact sport like youth football.  It is not worth it.  Football is not the place to “toughen up.”

Coaching Up the Parents: Divorce & Sports Parenting

Coaching up the Parents:  Divorce & Sports Parenting, Part IV

  Divorce & Sports Parenting

One anecdote I share with parents every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Basinger.  After a nine year marriage, Baldwin and Basinger waged war with an eight year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and 90 + court proceedings. Who benefits from that?

First Things First: Parents should have a parenting plan that supports the yearly sports schedule, including practices, games, and summer camps.  It’s tough love but it is toxic and unfair to the team and other sports parents to allow one set of parents to create a disruptive, negative environment.  Address this issue early with the parents.     

Child Support:  Youth sports is considered an “extracurricular” activity by most state courts (check with your jurisdiction). What this means is that in many states you cannot force the ex to pay for certain sports activities in a child support plan.  Sports parents need a game plan for approaching an uncooperative ex about sharing youth sports expenses.

Explain the life skills that youth sports provide for childhood development.  Studies show that high school athletes have higher grades and graduation rates compared to non-athletes.  And this is especially important for the guys: male non-athletes are 10 times more likely to quit school compared to those playing sports.     

Best Interests Standard:  Some ex-spouses will act like a jerk regardless – routinely dropping their child off late to practice, etc.  When this happens, show some flexibility to keep the athlete on the team in a structured, positive environment.

Coaching Up the Parents: Align Goals & Ego

Coaching Up Sports Parents, Part III

Aligning Goals and Ego

Ask Questions:  Encourage parents to ask their child why he or she wants to play sports.  Parents should align their goals to the child’s goals (not the other way around.)

Check the Ego: Parents need to suck it up - do whatever it takes to create a positive, aligned set of expectations with the spouse or ex for supporting the youth athlete.  Check the ego.  Too many parents equate “bleacher status” with the quality of their parenting.  Do what is in the best interests of the youth athlete.

Who’s Experience?: Remind parents that this is their child’s sports journey.  Parents shouldn’t use this experience as a way to relive past glories or make up for lost time. Married with Children’s Al Bundy scored four touchdowns in a single game!  Yes, and?

Coaching Up the Parents

Coaching up the Parents, Part II

I.            Parents Support, Don’t Coach

Parent-Athlete-Coach Communication:  Parents must get on the same page with the spouse (or ex) concerning communications with the coach, expectations of the youth athlete, and the parenting plan and child support expenses for youth sports.  This is the foundation.

Sports Parenting Role: Effective sports parenting is about providing unconditional support to the athlete.  There’s no need for the parent to become an expert in whatever sport the child plays.  Let the coach do the coaching.  There’ll be a ton of bad days of practice or mistakes in the game and the athlete will look to the parents (hopefully) for support. Remind parents that “players play, coaches coach and parents support.”

Don’t “Wing it”:  Effective sports parenting is a skill that requires hard work.  Parents should study and develop a game plan for how to build pre-game confidence and post-game coping and learning skills in the youth athlete.

Coaching Up the Parents, Part I of VIII

Coaching up the Parents - Part I of VIII

Coaching is a tough gig.  But the payoff is great – we get a $3K stipend and a free windbreaker.  We’re responsible for leading a wide range of parents from those demanding to win every game to the parents who simply and unfortunately don’t care.  We handle divorced parents at war with each other and negotiate with parents wanting their student-athlete to play every position…and oh occasionally we might see a parent or two who see their child as the starting QB and nothing less. 

For coaches a good way to set a positive tone is in the preseason parent-coach meeting and regular parent-coach check-ins during the offseason.  Here’s a checklist of seven topics for coaches to discuss with parents (and guardians) during these meetings on effective sports parenting from my book, Zero Offseason.

...to be continued....

Grit & Resiliance: Disney; Lasseter; Jobs & Jordan

Got to love these stories of resilience:

Walt Disney once got fired for being "uncreative."  Things turned out okay.

John Lasseter got fired from Walt Disney for being "too far out there."  Lasseter then went on to become the Chief Creative Officer at a little studio called Pixar.

And Steve Jobs got fired from his own company!  This freed Jobs up to invest some time and $5M to keep Pixar afloat during the lean start-up years. 

Lastly, Michel Jordan was not the "chosen one" growing up.   Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team as a sophomore. 

Work with your student-athlete on grit.  Grit doesn't guarantee future success but it sure seems like a necessary ingredient.