Leadership & Youth Sports - One Size Does Not Fit All

Some leadership tips from Success magazine - avoid the "one size fits all" approach.  Not everyone is motivated by the same things or communication style.  If your son or daughter's goal is to become the best in the state in soccer....but they also play high school basketball just to hang out with friends then that requires a different conversation on expectations, goal setting, and time commitment.  Ask questions and build an individualized plan around the goals for each sport played.

http://www.success.com/article/6-ways-to-motivate-people-to-step-up

Coddling of the American Mind - The Atlantic

Article from The Atlantic on the surreal cesspool that college campuses have become under political correctness.  Good reading for parents and kids heading off to school.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/

Parent-Coach Communication

....these are some basic expectations that every sports-parent should have of their kid's coach:

Player Safety: every coach should be certified in concussion management and there must be a “return to play” system for when a player suffers an apparent head injury.  Ask questions and get specific.  Full-contact practices should be limited in amount and duration. Players should be matched up against similar players of size and ability during practice drills.

Verbal/Physical Abuse: There is zero tolerance for youth sports coaches with outsized, inflated egos.  Any sign of verbal or physical abuse must be stopped and reported up immediately.  The days of grabbing kids’ face masks to get a point across are over. 

Positive Experience: The good coaches know to praise publicly and to correct privately. Does the coach take five minutes at the end of each practice to teach lessons?  Sports-parents should expect that some amount of time on the practice field is spent teaching life skills.  It doesn’t really matter in the long run if the team goes winless or undefeated.  What life skills are being learned?    

Communication with Parents: It is the responsibility of the head coach to communicate the “how” and “when” to address any issues.  Respect the coaches’ office hours.  Also understand that most head coaches expect parents to discuss issues like playing time, positions, and other personnel decisions directly with the head coach.  It is bad, bad form for sports-parents to blast away at volunteer assistant coaches regarding playing time.  Avoid the “blacklist” and talk to the head coach and not assistants with any gripes.  And remember to multiple the amount of time you complain to the head coach x the number of other sports-parents of the team.  Respect the coach’s time.   

Competent coaches also appreciate hearing from sports-parents before the season.  Sports-parents who want the best for the team and understand the parent-athlete-coach roles are a huge asset to team development.  Also, if there are special education needs or family dynamics to keep in make early contact with the head coach.  Again, remember that the coach is tracking 20 + kids and their parents every season.  Do your part and make it easier on the coach to understand how to help your child reach his or her potential.

More tips on parent-athlete-coach communication in Zero Offseason available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440590933&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

TED Talk: Balance & Sports Parenting

Great TED Talk on finding balance in parenting.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar?language=en

Creative Problem Solving - Supermensch

Nice article from Both Sides of the Table on creative problem solving - useful for divorce negotiations, entrepreneurs, and parent-coach communications.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/08/18/my-one-wish-for-all-startup-employees/

Back to School: Best Practices for Sports Parenting

Best Practices for Sports Parenting:

Players play, parents support, and coaches coach.  Simple rules; complex roles. 

Sports parents won’t agree with every decision the coach makes.  You may not like the coach, the style of play or personnel decisions.  But if you trust the coach with your kid’s physical and mental welfare then please allow the coach to coach - they earned the title “coach” through many hours of unpaid time on the field away from family, paying and traveling for coaching education safety clinics and studying game film on the weekends. 

While parents focus on their child, the coach focuses on the big picture which includes your child and another 20 + kids depending on the sport and season.  That’s a lot of responsibility, decisions to make, and competing interests to balance among the parents.  And for every team parent that wants their child to focus on a single position all season there is another parent that wants their child to play as many positions as possible during the season.  Bottom line is that it is the coaching staff’s role to decide who plays where and when.   

If you want to work with your child on technique outside of practice, definitely talk to the coach beforehand and find out what to focus on so you are in step with the coach’s expectations.  Teaching your child a skill set that contradicts what the coaches expect just creates confusion, frustration and divided loyalty – don’t put a twelve year old in the position of deciding whether to disappoint mom/dad or the coach with performing what has been taught. 

As a football coach, I’ve watched inexperienced sports parents with good intentions working with their sons before practice teaching “wrong” technique.  Talk to the coach. 

Keep in mind that the best way to create a positive experience for your child is to be the emotional backstop before and after rough practices and games. Especially in a difficult divorce situation where the child is “ping-ponging” between households and conflicting expectations.  Kids need consistent expectations so they can feel confident in what they are trying to learn.  Be the emotional backstop and allow the coach to coach.  Stay focused on providing unconditional support for the ups and downs of youth sports.

More tips in my book, Zero Offseason, available at www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440175265&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

The Hollywood Crowd & Competitive Sports Parenting

Hollywood and the competitive world of sports parenting.  From The Hollywood Reporter.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/la-parents-sports-freak-you-811588

Divorce Negotiations: the Frog & the Scorpion

Great story from Both Sides of the Table on negotiating. When the other side shows you who they are...believe them.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/07/26/what-you-can-learn-from-a-scorpion/

Divorce & Sports Parenting: Seven Mental Roadblocks

The Seven Mental Roadblocks in Youth Sports:

Seven Mental Roadblocks.  If this is your child’s first sports season, review those areas where he or she has struggled making progress outside of sports (school work, chores, etc).  It usually involves a combination of these seven roadblocks:  procrastination; perfectionism; fear of failure; analysis paralysis; limited comfort zone; indecision, or complacency.  Expect to see these same roadblocks pop up in their athletic development.  Develop a plan to keep them motivated.

...More tips on sports parenting in Zero Offseason available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1439657599&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

NCAA Athletic Scholarship Odds

“Numbers Don’t Lie”

3% of high school athletes earn an athletic scholarship

1% of high school athletes earn a “4-year” D1 scholarship

25% of frosh athletic scholarship recipients are no longer on scholarship entering their sophomore year of college

80% of scholarship/financial aid are non-D1 level opportunities

.08%.  And finally, of the 1M plus high school football players only .08% will eventually make it to the NFL.  Those are…long odds.

More sports parenting tips in Zero Offseason, available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1439217080&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

Student-Athlete Development & NCAA Recruiting: Burnout

Burnout & Breathing Room, part II

Here’s two classic examples of youth sports burnout:

Former tennis star, Jennifer Capriotti, started training for 6 hours per day…at age four.  Capriotti turned pro at age 13, by age 14 she was a top ten player on tour competing against hyper-competitive players a decade older than her.  At age 17 Capriotti dropped out of tennis.  Biographies on the rise and fall of this tennis prodigy point to Capriotti’s parents’ divorce and the resulting turmoil as a contributing cause of her fall.    

Imagine being one of the best in world in a chosen sport, making unbelievable amounts of money to play a game, all the fame and recognition, endorsements, and you just…walk away.  Burnout stole a big chunk of Capriotti’s career.  She came back to the tour years and achieved more success but she lost several productive, peak years due to burnout and stressors off the court.  Capriotti lacked a solid foundation to build from and fall back on when the off court events showed up.

Next, there was Todd Marinovich, aka “Robo Quarterback.”  At age three Marinovich was working on football strategy with his dad, at age four he was scheduled for routine practice sessions.  All that singular focus paid off initially – he went on to star at QB for USC.  Marinovich’s success made him a first-round pick by the Oakland Raiders and he completed a promising rookie season. 

But burnout caught up with Marinovich.  A well-chronicled series of off-field substance abuse and legal troubles robbed Marinovich of a promising career in the NFL.  Like Capriotti, Marinovich lacked a solid foundation to build from and fall back on when the inevitable off field struggles showed up. 

These are just two examples of burnout.  Of course there are many examples of youth athletes with singular focus from an early age that experience success without too much off-field trouble (Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps for example).  But for every Capriotti, Marinovich or Phelps there are hundreds of thousands of kids that won’t go pro, kids that just want to play a game after school.  And if a kid loves sports, but quits at age 13 from “burnout,” then that is a problem.  But it is a fixable problem – (1) sports parents must first get on the same page, and only then (2) align those parental goals with the athlete.  

Burnout is a thief.  Burnout steals all the great life skills that youth sports can teach.  It is up to the sports-parent to get on the same page and align their goals with that of the student-athlete.  And it is also up to the sports-parent to create breathing room and purposefully schedule downtime from competitive youth sports.

For more tips on student-athlete development & NCAA recruiting see Zero Offseason @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438866729&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

Student-Athlete Development & NCAA Recruiting Tips

Evaluate - Burnout & Breathing Room

Roughly 70% of kids quit sports by age 13.

Kids stop playing sports for various reasons but the main reason cited is “burnout.”  Burnout by…age 13?

Test yourself again and again – first, are both parents on the same page regarding youth sports time, expenses and expectations?  Second, are the parents’ goals aligned with the student-athlete’s abilities and interests?

A study by i-9 Sports surveyed 400 working sports-moms on the impact of youth sports on the family.  The results?  Not so good. 

25% of sports-moms reported conflict with spouses over sports expenses and deciding which sports the child could play;

66% of sports-moms reported that youth sports interfered with work and promotions; and

76% of sports-moms reported that they were glad when season ended!

Kids are sponges.  They will pick up on parental conflict no matter how well the parents shield this from their child.  And if mom and dad are arguing back and forth on sports expectations that will obviously have a negative impact on how the youth athlete views playing sports.  Parental conflict is a contributing cause of burnout. This is why it is so important for sports parents to get on the same page before even thinking about hiring a personal coach, sports psychologist or nutritionist for the student-athlete.  Parental support is the foundation for anything else that follows.

Here’s two classic examples of youth sports burnout....to be continued...

More tips on student-athlete development & NCAA recruiting in Zero Offseason, available at www.Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438784308&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

 

 

Zero Offseason - Interview with WSJ's Small Biz Report

Very much appreciate the interview with Gordon Deal of the Wall Street Journal's "Small Business Report."  We covered my book Zero Offseason and the ABC's of Divorce & Sports Parenting.

If you pick up Zero Offseason @ Amazon thru Friday, Aug 7th email me and I'll send you a free PDF copy of the book to share with other sports parents, student-athletes and coaches.

www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438695625&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

Failure & Survivors

Good article from Both Sides of the Table re: grit, failure & entrepreneurs.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/07/29/survivors/