Parenting Plans & the "Best Interest" Standard

As a divorce lawyer, I’ve seen how difficult it is for a parent to take the “high-road” when the ex is playing games and uncooperative.  But please remember the default position of doing what is in the “best interests” of the youth athlete.  

And I wish I could say that being the “bigger person” miraculously changes an ex’s bad behavior.  Chances are it won’t.  What it will do, however, is create a more positive experience for a child stuck between two warring parents. 

One anecdote I share with parents every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Basinger.  After a nine year marriage, Baldwin and Basinger waged war with an eight year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and 90 + court proceedings. Who benefited from that?

Punt, Pass & Kick - No Thanks

Football shouldn't be a "punt, pass and kick" contest.

Two quick fixes - teams would only be capped on the number of kicks per game:

3 field goal attempts
5 punts

Divorce & Sports Parenting - Game Plan

Divorce & Sports Parenting Tips

First Things First: develop a parenting plan that supports the yearly sports schedule, including practices, games, and summer camps.  Don’t wedge a youth sports plan into what works best for you and the ex.  Understand that sports schedules will cut into your shared parenting time.         

Child Support:  youth sports is considered an “extracurricular” activity by most state courts (check with your jurisdiction). What this means is that in many states you cannot force the ex to pay for certain sports activities in a child support plan.  Develop a game plan for approaching an uncooperative ex about sharing youth sports expenses. Explain the benefits that youth sports can provide for your child’s development. Consider low-conflict, non-litigation solutions like mediation or collaborative law to create a shared-payment plan for youth sports expenses.

Best Interests Standard:  when in doubt, fall back to the default position of doing what is in the best interests of the child.

Quick Story on Youth Sports Burnout

Former tennis star, Jennifer Capriotti, started training for 6 hours per day…at age four.  Capriotti turned pro at age 13, by age 14 she was a top ten player on tour competing against hyper-competitive players a decade older than her.  At age 17 Capriotti dropped out of tennis.  Biographies on the rise and fall of this tennis prodigy point to Capriotti’s parents’ divorce and the resulting turmoil as a contributing cause of her fall.

Dan Miller: 48 Days Podcast

Special thanks to Mr. Dan Miller from one of the top career podcasts "48 Days." Dan gave my sports parenting book, "Zero Offseason" a quick shout out on his April 10th podcast.  Very much appreciated!

Check out Dan's weekly podcast every Friday.  http://www.48days.com/

Sports Parenting & the "Blacklist"

Best Parental Practices (Team) – parents of youth athletes have a choice.  They can be an asset or detriment to team chemistry and development.  Be a “team” parent and find out how you can best support the team and coaches.  This goes a long way on the coaching tree. 

Like any other profession, the coaches talk.  Make no mistake on this point.  Coaches (from rookie up to high school varsity) know and talk to each other about who the team-oriented parents are and who the problem parents are from previous seasons. Once you get tagged as a problem parent that can be a hard label to shake.  Take the long view and work hard to be a parent the coaches look forward to working with every season.

However, when you do have a legitimate problem with a coach, the problem should be addressed.  Don’t let problems slide to avoid the “blacklist.”  That’s not the point here.  Just address the problem in the correct way. This means during office hours or at the very least a sidebar with the head coach away from the other assistant coaches, the players and parents. Do not criticize the head coach in front of the players or other parents.  This creates confusion, divided loyalty and a toxic environment.

And What About Game Day Instructions from the Bleachers?   Just Don’t!  Players play, parents support, and coaches coach.

Parenting Plans & Coach Communications

Coach office hours and parenting plans – what are the offseason and seasonal office hours and what is the best way to communicate with the coach (phone, email, text, video conference, in person).  Does the coach know how to communicate with you and the ex?  Are there court-ordered limitations on contact? 

Make sure both you and the ex know when and how to contact the head coach.  Build this into the parenting plan if necessary if you and the ex sadly can’t sit in the same room together.  Set boundaries and respect them.