Football Parents Resolutions for 2014 #4 Avoid Comparisons

#4 Avoid Comparisons: I’m surprised every season by the changes in players from one year to the next. Kids grow and mature at different rates and the team “superstar” one year is a support player the next. And vice versa. Compare a kid’s effort and attitude to where they were last year, last month, last week. But avoid any kitchen table comparisons to other players as a means of motivation. If they like the sport, allow them to develop at their own pace. This isn’t about coddling or “participation awards” but channeling kids’ focus to improving and competing against themselves…after all, even Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team but how did that work out?

Football Parents' Resolutions for 2014

#3 Parenting Plan: Divorced parents should get on the same page with scheduling and expectations. There is a reason why the courts call it the “best interests” standard when hashing out custodial arrangements – it is what is in the “best interest of the child, not the parents. I see the same problems every season with co-parents not communicating with each other – the player shows up embarrassed because he only has half his football gear between custodial transfers, or a parent routinely drops the player off late to practice, or a parent removes the player from the team 3 games into a season to teach their ex a “lesson.” If the kid loves playing sports, then the parenting plan should, as best as possible, work around the athletic schedule regardless of how toxic the post-divorce relationship is between the “adults.” First map out the athletic schedule the best you can and then create a co-parenting plan works around those sports commitments (not the other way around). As for child support, youth sports is an extracurricular activity so it falls outside of what is considered a “necessary” educational expense. Therefore, expenses for youth leagues, summer camps, personal trainers and coaches, etc must be negotiated between the parents based on their willingness and ability to pay. Again, be flexible and keep the best interests goal in mind. One anecdote I like to share with parents at the beginning of every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Basinger. After a 9-year marriage, they waged war on each other with an 8-year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and 90 + court proceedings. Who benefited from that?

Football Parents' Resolutions for 2014

#2 Parent, Don’t Coach:

Players play, parents support, and coaches coach. So let the coaches coach. Simple rules and complex roles. Football parents won’t agree with every decision the coach makes. You may not like the coach, the offensive scheme or personnel decisions. But if you trust the coach with your kid’s physical and mental welfare then let them coach. They earned the title “coach” through hours of unpaid time on the field away from family, paying for coaching and player safety clinics and studying game film on the weekends.

While parents are primarily focused on their own child, the coach is looking at the big picture which may include up to 20-30-40 players some seasons. That’s a lot of responsibility and decisions to make. If you want to work with your son on technique outside of practice, definitely talk to the coach ahead of time and find out what to focus on so you are in lockstep with what is expected.

Ten New Year's Resolutions for Football Parents

Ten New Year’s Resolutions for Football Parents

Another youth football season is in the books. With the holidays over, spring conditioning up next, and then summer camps around the corner, it’s a good time to reflect back on what worked, what didn’t, and set some football parenting resolutions for a productive 2014 football season. In this ten-part series, I’ll list some ideas from my experience as a youth football coach and divorce attorney:

#1 Align Goals: Not every kid plays football for the same reason. For some it is a passion. For others, it’s a chance to hang out with friends. Ask questions. Find out why your youth-athlete wants to play and then align your goals to support their goals. It doesn’t matter if you were all-state or a support player back in the day because this is their season. Football is just not the sport to force on a kid; being tentative gets players hurt.

On the other hand, if they are passionate about football they must play through the end of the season after committing to the team and creating time and financial expenses on the parents. Communicate this expectation in advance.

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My article on youth sports and concussions published in the King County Bar Bulletin ("Lystedt Law - Return To Play").

http://www.kcba.org/newsevents/barbulletin/archive/2013/07/article11.htm

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