Youth Sports Burnout & Parental Conflict

Roughly 70% of kids quit sports by age 13.

Kids stop playing sports for various reasons but the main reason cited is “burnout.”  Burnout by…age 13?

Test yourself again and again – first, are both parents on the same page regarding youth sports time, expenses and expectations?  Second, are the parents’ goals aligned with the student-athlete’s abilities and interests?

A study by i-9 Sports surveyed 400 working sports-moms on the impact of youth sports on the family.  The results?  Not so good. 

25% of sports-moms reported conflict with spouses over sports expenses and deciding which sports the child could play;

66% of sports-moms reported that youth sports interfered with work and promotions; and

76% of sports-moms reported that they were glad when season ended!

Kids are sponges.  They will pick up on parental conflict no matter how well the parents shield this from their child.  And if mom and dad are arguing back and forth on sports expectations that will obviously have a negative impact on how the youth athlete views playing sports.  Parental conflict is a contributing cause of burnout. This is why it is so important for sports parents to get on the same page before even thinking about hiring a personal coach, sports psychologist or nutritionist for the student-athlete.  Parental support is the foundation for anything else that follows.

More sports parenting tips @ Zero Offseason available at Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427809321&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

TED Talk from Tony Robbins on "the Why"

TED Talk from Tony Robbins on the "what behind the why."

http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do?language=en

TED Talk on the Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset

TED Talk from Stanford professor Carol Dweck on the "fixed" mindset vs. the "growth" mindset.

https://www.ted.com/speakers/carol_dweck

Youth Football: Process-Oriented Goals

Process-Oriented Goals

Give up attachment to outcome. 

Steve Jobs created Apple and was probably the most visionary and competitive entrepreneur of the last half century.  He built an iconic, industry-disrupting, irreverent brand from the garage.  And his reward?  In 1985 the Apple Board of Directors, at the request of John Sculley (whom Jobs personally brought in to help lead Apple) fired Jobs…from his own company!  That is a bad outcome.

What did Jobs do?  Jobs had a choice.  He had already achieved unreal success and financial wealth.  Jobs could have retired.  He could have scooped up his ball and gone home.  He could have relaxed in a hot tub filled with crisp $1,000,000 bills, cold drink in hand for the rest of his life.  But that…he did not.  Jobs fought back.  Over the next decade Jobs bought into and built up Pixar, one of the most successful and profitable companies ever in the hyper-competitive and fickle film industry. 

Oh ya.  And Jobs built another computer company called Next to compete with Apple.  Apple later bought Next when it brought Jobs back to save the company.  In 2005 Jobs gave a brilliant commencement speech at Stanford (google “Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech” to watch the video) where he said getting fired from Apple was one of the best things that ever happened to him.  Jobs had no control over the outcome (getting fired from his company) but what he could do is put his focus on the process of what mattered – learning from what had just happened, adjusting, overcoming adversity and building on the bad. 

Remind the athlete that he or she may perform perfectly and still end up with an outcome that does not match the process and effort - a loss despite best effort.  It doesn’t seem fair.  But it happens… a lot.  Focus on process, release attachment to outcome.

Youth Sports and Parenting Plans

One anecdote I share with parents every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Basinger. 

After a nine year marriage, Baldwin and Basinger waged war with an eight year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and 90 + court proceedings.

Who benefited from that?  Don't by "that" parent.

NCAA Recruiting Dollars

Article from USA Today on how college programs spend their recruiting dollars...and how much.



Teams that spend on recruiting make tourney, except Auburn

TED Talk: Coach John Wooden on Winning and Success

Coach John Wooden TED Talk: The Difference Between Winning and Success.  Pretty amazing 17 minute TED talk with no notes or slides.

http://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success?language=en

TED Talk: The Key to Success - Grit

Great 6 minute TED Talk on the key to success: "Grit"

http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit?language=en

Sports Parents: Expectations of the Coach

Every competent coach sets “office hours” whether that is in person, by phone, email, or video conference.  Remember that every coach is probably juggling a full-time job, family responsibilities, and coaching duties with time commitments that extend well beyond the playing field. Respect the coach’s time.  Sit down with the coach before the season, every season, and find out how you can play a role in supporting the team. 

That being said, there’s some basic expectations that every sports-mom should have of her child’s coach:

Player Safety: every coach should be certified in concussion management and there must be a “return to play” system for when a player suffers an apparent head injury.  Ask questions and get specific.  Full-contact practices (football) should be limited in amount and duration. Players should be matched up against similar players of size and ability during practice drills.

Verbal/Physical Abuse: There is zero tolerance for youth sports coaches with outsized, inflated egos.  Any sign of verbal or physical abuse must be stopped and reported up immediately.  The days of grabbing kids’ face masks to get a point across are over. 

Positive Experience: The good coaches know to praise publicly and to fix problems privately. Does the coach take five minutes at the end of each practice to teach lessons?  Sports-parents should expect that some amount of time on the practice field is spent teaching life skills.  It doesn’t really matter in the long run if the team goes winless or undefeated.  What life skills are being learned?  Kids should be learning teamwork, leadership, dealing with competition and pressure, discipline, struggling through stages of skill development.  Youth sports is simply the vehicle for teaching the above.      

Communication with Parents: It is the responsibility of the head coach to communicate the “how” and “when” to address any issues.  Respect the coaches’ office hours.  Also understand that most head coaches expect parents to discuss issues like playing time, positions, and other personnel decisions directly with the head coach.  It is bad, bad form for sports-parents to blast away at volunteer assistant coaches regarding playing time. 

Navy Seals: Embrace the Suck

The Navy Seals use a concept called, “Embrace the Suck.”  You’re facing a tough challenge ahead.  And you have two choices – you can go toward the challenge, or you can walk away.  Which habit will you create? Talk to your student-athlete. 

Mentally prepare them for what is ahead.  The physical and mental strain of practice can be a shock a system for those kids first starting out on their athletic journey.  New sports-parents without a sports background don’t really know about this important step in the preparation of the student-athlete.  Spend time on the front end developing a plan for dealing with “the suck.”  Dropping your son or daughter off for the very first day of practice with the advice, “have fun” is not a plan.   

And this is why developing sports-parenting skills and mental toughness before working on athletic skills or even thinking about a NCAA recruiting strategy is so important. 

Step One:  develop sports-parent skills;

Step Two:  develop student-athlete mental toughness;

Step Three: develop athletic skills.

Zero Offseason - Divorce, Youth Sports and Sports Parenting

My book on divorce and sports parenting is now available @ www.amazon.com.

It's a quick, easy read designed for busy parents. 

I'm running a short special thru March 20th.  If you buy the book, shoot me an email and I'll send you a free PDF version that you can share with coaches and other parents.  Zero Offseason reached #16 at Amazon in the category of Coaching Football. 

Amazon link below for Zero Offseason:

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426438439&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

Sports Parenting and Divorce - Summer Camps

Parenting Plan:  oh yes, this again.  If you read my book, “Zero Offseason – Divorce, Youth Sports & Tips for the Insanely Busy Sports Mom”, you know how big of an impact a smart parenting plan has on creating a positive environment for youth sports scheduling. 

Is your current parenting plan working for the youth athlete as a road map for success?  Or is the parenting plan being used as a weapon against the ex?  Design the summer parenting plan to accommodate summer camps and clinics, not the other way around.  Again – easier said than done but figure this one out well before summer.  Summer camps and practices will cut into your parenting plan time - use the “best interest” standard for making decisions.

NCAA Foootball Recruiting and Boosters

Boosters:  Student athletes and sports parents must avoid boosters both during the recruitment process and while attending university. 

Inducements are illegal. Money, cars, gifts, family housing, hell, a free taco lunch to talk about your son’s athletic future is off the table when it comes to boosters and the recruiting of prospective student-athletes.  And pretty much every program has a “Buddy Garrity” somewhere close by.

Under NCAA bylaws, boosters are prohibited from recruiting high school athletes both before and after a National Letter of Intent is signed.  And any recruiting violation by a booster is attributed to the school.

And the NCAA bylaws are unforgiving - under § 13.02.14.1, once an individual or entity is classified as a university’s “representative of athletic interests,” aka “booster,” they are considered a booster for life!  There is no coming back from Boosterville.  Beware Boosterville.

Winning Youth Coaching Interview: Divorce and Sports Parenting

My recent interview with Winning Youth Coaching on divorce and sports parenting.

http://www.winningyouthcoaching.com/

Youth Sports - Specialization

Different Teammates and Coaches:  one of the problems with specialization is that athletically gifted kids end up in a social and athletic bubble – they see the same teammates and coaches year-round.    This creates entitlement and a narrow frame of reference for how to interact with teammates, classmates, teachers and coaches (or peers, co-workers and bosses down the road). 

Playing multiple sports allows the student-athlete to learn how to effectively work, collaborate and problem solve with different personalities.  And developing those relationship and communication skills might be the best reason of all to play multiple sports.

More sports parenting tips @ Zero Offseason and my book available @ Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419864677&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

 

Youth Football - Offseason Drills & the "Shiny Object" Syndrome

Game Situation: Every drill you practice in the offseason must directly apply to a game situation.  If the team runs a west-coast offense with three-step drops and quick passes, it doesn’t make sense to focus on running deep post routes and verticals all offseason.  Every drill should serve a purpose.  Explain the “why” behind every drill and how the skill learned applies in a game situation. 

There is an infinite number of offseason drills and a lot of coaches and sport-parents get sucked into a bad habit of running drills that have zero application to the team’s actual scheme.  The majority of those drills may not apply to what you should focus on.  Keep it simple.  You only need a few drills – avoid the “shiny object” syndrome.  Lots of drills look neat.  But if it doesn’t apply don’t use it. And again, this goes back to good communication with the coach.  Find out what to focus on in the offseason.

More sports parenting tips @ ZeroOffseason.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419864677&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

NCAA Football Recruiting: Core Courses & GPA's

Why Core vs. Non-Core Course Designation Matters

It’s important to know the difference between core and non-core courses because only core courses are used to determine eligibility for athletic scholarships. 

An overall GPA may and probably will differ from the core course GPA.  For example, a student-athlete may graduate high school with an overall GPA of 2.8 and a core course GPA of 2.5.  The 2.5 core course GPA is what college recruiters and admissions departments will focus on when evaluating a student-athlete.  And these core courses start the freshman year of high school.

For more sports parenting info @ Zero Offseason

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419864677&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

NCAA Football Recruits and Grades - New Reqs

New Athletic Qualifications Starting 2016

Can a student-athlete receive athletic scholarship money and play college sports if grades are not met?  Definitely…maybe.  Starting August 2016, for Division I entering freshman student-athletes, the following three-tiered qualification system applies:

Full Qualifier (all academic requirements are met):  this requires completing the 16 core courses, a 2.3 core course GPA, and the matching SAT/ACT score.  A “full-qualifier” student-athlete may receive athletic scholarship money and both practice and compete in games starting the freshman year of college.

Academic Redshirt:  this is the student-athlete that completes the 16 core courses, but with a core course GPA between 2.0-2.299 and the meets the sliding SAT/ACT score for that GPA. An “academic redshirt” may receive athletic scholarship money and practice with the team during the freshman year of college.  However, an academic redshirt may not play in games during the first year.  Also, the academic redshirt student-athlete must remain academically successful during the first term of college (completing 9 semester hours or 8 quarter hours) to be eligible to practice for the remainder of the year.

Non-Qualifier:  a “non-qualifier” is the student-athlete that falls short of the above academic standards.  A non-qualifier student-athlete cannot receive athletic scholarship money, cannot practice with the team, and cannot play in games during the first year of college.

NCAA Recruiting and Agents

“Agents”:  if there is one absolute in the recruiting game it is this – stay away from agents trying to build a relationship with your student-athlete. 

There is no faster way to destroying amateur eligibility and putting a black mark on your reputation than accepting representation, vague promises of future representation, or benefits like housing (see Reggie Bush) or cars from an agent to a student-athlete or family.  And with the immediacy and reach of social media any interaction by a student-athlete or family with an agent will get noticed. 

The NCAA bylaws strictly prohibit this student-athlete/agent relationship under § 12.3.1.1 and .2.  This includes both written and verbal arrangements and both present and casual promises of future representation after your son has completed his amateur eligibility in that sport.

Youth Football and Summer Camps

Summer Camps & Clinics

The great thing about summer camps and clinics is that camps and clinics allow the student-athlete to adjust and compete against new, unfamiliar competition.  It takes the athlete out of his or her comfort zone. 

Just don’t get caught up with “the Jones.”  Some parents lose perspective.  They’ll schedule their kids for back-to-back camps all summer. 

Catch yourself when you start thinking, “well, if the Jones’ send their daughter to three goalie camps, then we’ll send our daughter to four goalie camps to gain an edge.” 

At some point, the camp to camp to camp approach creates diminishing returns: (1) it becomes a waste of time and money and (2) it takes time away from digesting the skills learned. If an athlete only has enough time to work on technique but no time to digest and think through what was learned the retention and reinforcement is lost.  Breathing room is critical to athletic skill development.

More sports parenting tips @ Zero Offseason

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Insanely-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419864677&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason