TED Talk: Body Language

TED Talk: the impact of body language on communication by Amy Cuddy.

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

Offseason Coach Development: 12 For 12

One of the topics I've been asked to cover at the upcoming Glazier Clinics in Reno and Las Vegas is Offseason Development of Coaching Staffs.

This program is called, "12 For 12" and it involves a deep dive into one concept each month.  So if you have six coaches on staff each coach takes two months/two topics for the year.  Each month the coach leading that month's development finds one article, one short video (like an 18-minute TED Talk) and most importantly one key "take away" regarding that topic for the coaches' discussion. 

....keep it pithy to avoid burnout and avoid mission creep.  One article, one short video and one key concept each month. 

More info on Glazier below.  It's a great resource for coaches at the youth, high school and college level. 

www.glazierclinics.com

Coaching Library: One Last Strike by Tony La Russa

Offseason book 3 of 3 for coaches.   One Last Strike by former St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa.  Baseball, unlike a lot of other sports, is a daily grind filled with a lot more failure than success.  La Russa addresses the psychology involved in managing a baseball team of different personalities thru 6 months of competition - building and maintaining team unity thru slumps and clubhouse conflict, resiliency, and accountability.   

http://www.amazon.com/One-Last-Strike-Baseball-Championship/dp/0062207547/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451403012&sr=8-1&keywords=tony+la+russa

Coaching Library: Mindset by Prof Carol Dweck

Good book for coaches to start the year by Prof Carol Dweck called Mindset.  What's the difference between a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset and the importance of developing a team culture that values process and effort over results. 

  http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451313887&sr=8-1&keywords=mindset

Christmas Gift for Coaches: Start With Why by Simon Sinek

Last minute Christmas gift for coaches - Start With Why by Simon Sinek.  Great stories about why some companies like Apple, Southwest Air, and Harley Davidson are able to build from within the company to create "buy in" and consistently beat the competition. $13 on Kindle.

   http://www.amazon.com/Start-Why-Leaders-Inspire-Everyone/dp/1591846447/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1450971749&sr=8-1&keywords=start+with+why

NCAA Recruiting: Text Messages

Multi-sport athletes get frustrated when they reach out to college coaches but don't hear back.  A big part of the problem are the conflicting rules and restrictions when it comes to how and when coaches and recruiters may contact prospective student athletes.  What's allowed in one sport may not be allowed in another.  And so it goes with the NCAA.

As of 8/1/14 these are the communication rules for "electronic correspondence" with basketball and football recruits:

Basketball:  Coaches can send the following directly to prospects and their family...
Email
Fax
Text
Instant Messages
G-Chat
Direct Facebook (no wall posts)
Direct Twitter (no "@recruit" blasts)

As for football?  Not so much. Unlike basketball, with football recruits the coaches are prohibited from sending text messages and instant messages.  So if a kid is being recruited for both basketball and football it can be confusing why the football coaches won't reply to text and instant messages.

Football:  Coaches can send the following directly to prospects and their family...
Email
Fax
Direct Facebook (no wall posts)
Direct Twitter  (no "@recruit" blasts)

NCAA Recruiting: Graduation Rates

Talk to your college recruiters about their school's graduation rates.  How does the school compare to others in the conference; how does your sport compare to the overall student body; what percentage of student-athletes graduate within 5 years?

A stat to keep in mind.  In the late 1990's, the men's basketball team at the Un of Cincinnati graduated....zero student-athletes over a three-year run.  That is arguably not good.

When 0.3% of high school basketball players are "drafted" to the NBA and .08% of high school football players are "drafted" to the NFL that college degree (even in philosophy or social studies!) may become important.

NCAA Recruiting: Official Visits

Prospective student-athletes are allowed a total of five official visits to Div I schools.  And a PSA can only take one visit per school and spend a total of 48 hours of "on campus" time during the official visit.  These official visits may be taken only during the senior year unlike unofficial visits which can be scheduled during the freshman thru junior year of high school. 

In Div II, the PSA may take unlimited official visits unlike Div I.

With only five visits allowed in Div I it's a good idea to really research what programs to visit.  And schedule the visits in order of interest (from least interest to most interest).  This will give the student-athlete some trial runs on creating a good impression with coaches.  

NCAA Recruiting: How to Lose $140K in 140 Characters

Examples of student-athletes losing scholarships from social media posts.

http://highschoolsports.cleveland.com/news/article/3838474443158678075/how-social-media-behavior-of-high-school-athletes-can-negatively-impact-ncaa-recruiting-photos-polls-national-signing-day-2015/

NCAA Recruiting: The Right Bus

Nice article from Both Sides of the Table to keep in mind when it comes to recruiting (unofficial and official visits; contacts and evaluations).   Get on the right bus.  Proximity matters.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/12/06/stay-focused-on-your-goals-not-your-critics/

NCAA Recruiting: Time Management

One of the biggest challenges going from high school to college athletics is time management. 

Not many 18-year old kids are ready to balance the class schedule, social life, and demanding sports schedule.  Work with your student-athlete in junior high and high school to get them ready for the "typical" work week as a student-athlete on scholarship.  Yes...they are getting paid to play so this is a work week with expectations and consequences for falling short (loss of playing time; loss of scholarship)

Are they ready for these expectations during the season?

Full Time Classes:      15 Hours Per Week
Study Time:                30 Hours Per Week (2 hrs per 1 hr class avg.)
Athletics:                    20 Hours Per Week (practice, meetings & game)
TOTAL:                        65 Hours Per Week

Most adults work somewhere between 40-55 hours per week without the physical and mental toll of this kind of demanding pace.

Consider a time management course as a way to jump in front of this "culture shock."  It'll better prepare the athlete and show college recruiters that both the athlete and family "get it." 

NCAA Recruiting Academics: Head Start

Parents and student-athletes can get a head start on "core course" requirements.   While core courses "officially" start the freshman year of high school, if the student takes high school classes such as Algebra I or Spanish I in the eight grade, that may count toward the 16 core course high school requirement. 

These junior high courses must appear on your high school's list of core courses and it must show on the official high school transcript with the grade and credit.

....get a head start in junior high so the student-athlete can focus on recruiting in the senior year of high school.

Athletic Scholarships: Poor Play No Pay???

A lot of high school athletes and parents have the misunderstanding that a college coach can pull a scholarship once at school for "poor play."  That's not really the case.  While scholarships are renewed on an annual basis each summer, and a coach can ask a scholarship athlete to leave the team there are protections in place for student-athletes.  When not performing up to expectations it is the coach's responsibility to work with the athlete but the scholarship can't be yanked for poor play.

Here are the main valid reason for pulling an athletic scholarship:

* Failure to maintain the required GPA or full-time academic class schedule (12-15 units typically)
* Breaking team or athletic department rules
* Disruptive attitude (this one is subjective and can be grounds for argument)
* Failed drug test
* Violating team/department/school/NCAA policies

Student-Athlete Development: Pop Tarts

...a pretty good reason why Jerry Seinfeld is Jerry Seinfeld.  Good interview with Jerry on how and why he spent two years developing a single Pop Tart joke.  That's work ethic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itWxXyCfW5s

What Makes a Good Business Partner

Good advice for sports parents and coach partnerships.  From Both Sides of the Table.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/10/08/what-makes-a-great-business-partner/

Conviction Beats Consensus on Big Decisions

Conviction beats watered-down consensus when it comes to big "bet the company" decisions. Article from Both Sides of the Table - move quick, make mistakes, fix them, adjust and move quick again.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/09/26/why-i-look-for-high-conviction-not-consensus-in-venture-capital-decisions/

7 Tips for Coaching Up the Parents.  New article in The Washington Coach at pages 26-27.

https://www.washcoach.net/Archives/Fall2015/index.html

TV/VCR Combo = Goal Dilution

Great documentary on Netflix called Jiro Dreams of Sushi.  Good reminder of finding a niche and then grinding.  Remember the TV/VCR combo?  A mediocre TV with a cheap VCR.  Avoid goal dilution.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiro_Dreams_of_Sushi

TED Talk: Fear vs Perceived Danger - Expanding Comfort Zones

TED Talk:  Chris Hadfield on fear vs. perceived danger and expanding comfort zones.

https://www.ted.com/talks/chris_hadfield_what_i_learned_from_going_blind_in_space?language=en

American Football Coaches Association - Program Committee

Proud to join the American Football Coaches Association's Program Committee.

The AFCA national convention for high school and college coaches is coming up Jan 10th - 13th in San Antonio, TX.

http://www.afca.com/

Interview with the Wall Street Journal's Gordon Deal on This Weekend

My interview with the Wall Street Journal's Gordon Deal on his This Weekend podcast.

We covered a new Employee Benefit program that teaches staff effective sports parenting 101 - how to communicate with busy coaches, support the athlete, and co-parenting.

 https://www.audiosear.ch/a/3dee/this-weekend-with-gordon-deal-august-08-2015

Success Magazine: How We See Adversity

Like this short article from Success magazine on rewiring the brain to find the right narrative for dealing with adversity.

http://www.success.com/article/the-upside-of-being-under-pressure-together

Leadership & Youth Sports - One Size Does Not Fit All

Some leadership tips from Success magazine - avoid the "one size fits all" approach.  Not everyone is motivated by the same things or communication style.  If your son or daughter's goal is to become the best in the state in soccer....but they also play high school basketball just to hang out with friends then that requires a different conversation on expectations, goal setting, and time commitment.  Ask questions and build an individualized plan around the goals for each sport played.

http://www.success.com/article/6-ways-to-motivate-people-to-step-up

Coddling of the American Mind - The Atlantic

Article from The Atlantic on the surreal cesspool that college campuses have become under political correctness.  Good reading for parents and kids heading off to school.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/

Parent-Coach Communication

....these are some basic expectations that every sports-parent should have of their kid's coach:

Player Safety: every coach should be certified in concussion management and there must be a “return to play” system for when a player suffers an apparent head injury.  Ask questions and get specific.  Full-contact practices should be limited in amount and duration. Players should be matched up against similar players of size and ability during practice drills.

Verbal/Physical Abuse: There is zero tolerance for youth sports coaches with outsized, inflated egos.  Any sign of verbal or physical abuse must be stopped and reported up immediately.  The days of grabbing kids’ face masks to get a point across are over. 

Positive Experience: The good coaches know to praise publicly and to correct privately. Does the coach take five minutes at the end of each practice to teach lessons?  Sports-parents should expect that some amount of time on the practice field is spent teaching life skills.  It doesn’t really matter in the long run if the team goes winless or undefeated.  What life skills are being learned?    

Communication with Parents: It is the responsibility of the head coach to communicate the “how” and “when” to address any issues.  Respect the coaches’ office hours.  Also understand that most head coaches expect parents to discuss issues like playing time, positions, and other personnel decisions directly with the head coach.  It is bad, bad form for sports-parents to blast away at volunteer assistant coaches regarding playing time.  Avoid the “blacklist” and talk to the head coach and not assistants with any gripes.  And remember to multiple the amount of time you complain to the head coach x the number of other sports-parents of the team.  Respect the coach’s time.   

Competent coaches also appreciate hearing from sports-parents before the season.  Sports-parents who want the best for the team and understand the parent-athlete-coach roles are a huge asset to team development.  Also, if there are special education needs or family dynamics to keep in make early contact with the head coach.  Again, remember that the coach is tracking 20 + kids and their parents every season.  Do your part and make it easier on the coach to understand how to help your child reach his or her potential.

More tips on parent-athlete-coach communication in Zero Offseason available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440590933&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

TED Talk: Balance & Sports Parenting

Great TED Talk on finding balance in parenting.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar?language=en

Creative Problem Solving - Supermensch

Nice article from Both Sides of the Table on creative problem solving - useful for divorce negotiations, entrepreneurs, and parent-coach communications.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/08/18/my-one-wish-for-all-startup-employees/

Back to School: Best Practices for Sports Parenting

Best Practices for Sports Parenting:

Players play, parents support, and coaches coach.  Simple rules; complex roles. 

Sports parents won’t agree with every decision the coach makes.  You may not like the coach, the style of play or personnel decisions.  But if you trust the coach with your kid’s physical and mental welfare then please allow the coach to coach - they earned the title “coach” through many hours of unpaid time on the field away from family, paying and traveling for coaching education safety clinics and studying game film on the weekends. 

While parents focus on their child, the coach focuses on the big picture which includes your child and another 20 + kids depending on the sport and season.  That’s a lot of responsibility, decisions to make, and competing interests to balance among the parents.  And for every team parent that wants their child to focus on a single position all season there is another parent that wants their child to play as many positions as possible during the season.  Bottom line is that it is the coaching staff’s role to decide who plays where and when.   

If you want to work with your child on technique outside of practice, definitely talk to the coach beforehand and find out what to focus on so you are in step with the coach’s expectations.  Teaching your child a skill set that contradicts what the coaches expect just creates confusion, frustration and divided loyalty – don’t put a twelve year old in the position of deciding whether to disappoint mom/dad or the coach with performing what has been taught. 

As a football coach, I’ve watched inexperienced sports parents with good intentions working with their sons before practice teaching “wrong” technique.  Talk to the coach. 

Keep in mind that the best way to create a positive experience for your child is to be the emotional backstop before and after rough practices and games. Especially in a difficult divorce situation where the child is “ping-ponging” between households and conflicting expectations.  Kids need consistent expectations so they can feel confident in what they are trying to learn.  Be the emotional backstop and allow the coach to coach.  Stay focused on providing unconditional support for the ups and downs of youth sports.

More tips in my book, Zero Offseason, available at www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440175265&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

The Hollywood Crowd & Competitive Sports Parenting

Hollywood and the competitive world of sports parenting.  From The Hollywood Reporter.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/la-parents-sports-freak-you-811588

Divorce Negotiations: the Frog & the Scorpion

Great story from Both Sides of the Table on negotiating. When the other side shows you who they are...believe them.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/07/26/what-you-can-learn-from-a-scorpion/

Divorce & Sports Parenting: Seven Mental Roadblocks

The Seven Mental Roadblocks in Youth Sports:

Seven Mental Roadblocks.  If this is your child’s first sports season, review those areas where he or she has struggled making progress outside of sports (school work, chores, etc).  It usually involves a combination of these seven roadblocks:  procrastination; perfectionism; fear of failure; analysis paralysis; limited comfort zone; indecision, or complacency.  Expect to see these same roadblocks pop up in their athletic development.  Develop a plan to keep them motivated.

...More tips on sports parenting in Zero Offseason available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1439657599&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

NCAA Athletic Scholarship Odds

“Numbers Don’t Lie”

3% of high school athletes earn an athletic scholarship

1% of high school athletes earn a “4-year” D1 scholarship

25% of frosh athletic scholarship recipients are no longer on scholarship entering their sophomore year of college

80% of scholarship/financial aid are non-D1 level opportunities

.08%.  And finally, of the 1M plus high school football players only .08% will eventually make it to the NFL.  Those are…long odds.

More sports parenting tips in Zero Offseason, available @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1439217080&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

Student-Athlete Development & NCAA Recruiting: Burnout

Burnout & Breathing Room, part II

Here’s two classic examples of youth sports burnout:

Former tennis star, Jennifer Capriotti, started training for 6 hours per day…at age four.  Capriotti turned pro at age 13, by age 14 she was a top ten player on tour competing against hyper-competitive players a decade older than her.  At age 17 Capriotti dropped out of tennis.  Biographies on the rise and fall of this tennis prodigy point to Capriotti’s parents’ divorce and the resulting turmoil as a contributing cause of her fall.    

Imagine being one of the best in world in a chosen sport, making unbelievable amounts of money to play a game, all the fame and recognition, endorsements, and you just…walk away.  Burnout stole a big chunk of Capriotti’s career.  She came back to the tour years and achieved more success but she lost several productive, peak years due to burnout and stressors off the court.  Capriotti lacked a solid foundation to build from and fall back on when the off court events showed up.

Next, there was Todd Marinovich, aka “Robo Quarterback.”  At age three Marinovich was working on football strategy with his dad, at age four he was scheduled for routine practice sessions.  All that singular focus paid off initially – he went on to star at QB for USC.  Marinovich’s success made him a first-round pick by the Oakland Raiders and he completed a promising rookie season. 

But burnout caught up with Marinovich.  A well-chronicled series of off-field substance abuse and legal troubles robbed Marinovich of a promising career in the NFL.  Like Capriotti, Marinovich lacked a solid foundation to build from and fall back on when the inevitable off field struggles showed up. 

These are just two examples of burnout.  Of course there are many examples of youth athletes with singular focus from an early age that experience success without too much off-field trouble (Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps for example).  But for every Capriotti, Marinovich or Phelps there are hundreds of thousands of kids that won’t go pro, kids that just want to play a game after school.  And if a kid loves sports, but quits at age 13 from “burnout,” then that is a problem.  But it is a fixable problem – (1) sports parents must first get on the same page, and only then (2) align those parental goals with the athlete.  

Burnout is a thief.  Burnout steals all the great life skills that youth sports can teach.  It is up to the sports-parent to get on the same page and align their goals with that of the student-athlete.  And it is also up to the sports-parent to create breathing room and purposefully schedule downtime from competitive youth sports.

For more tips on student-athlete development & NCAA recruiting see Zero Offseason @ www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438866729&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

Student-Athlete Development & NCAA Recruiting Tips

Evaluate - Burnout & Breathing Room

Roughly 70% of kids quit sports by age 13.

Kids stop playing sports for various reasons but the main reason cited is “burnout.”  Burnout by…age 13?

Test yourself again and again – first, are both parents on the same page regarding youth sports time, expenses and expectations?  Second, are the parents’ goals aligned with the student-athlete’s abilities and interests?

A study by i-9 Sports surveyed 400 working sports-moms on the impact of youth sports on the family.  The results?  Not so good. 

25% of sports-moms reported conflict with spouses over sports expenses and deciding which sports the child could play;

66% of sports-moms reported that youth sports interfered with work and promotions; and

76% of sports-moms reported that they were glad when season ended!

Kids are sponges.  They will pick up on parental conflict no matter how well the parents shield this from their child.  And if mom and dad are arguing back and forth on sports expectations that will obviously have a negative impact on how the youth athlete views playing sports.  Parental conflict is a contributing cause of burnout. This is why it is so important for sports parents to get on the same page before even thinking about hiring a personal coach, sports psychologist or nutritionist for the student-athlete.  Parental support is the foundation for anything else that follows.

Here’s two classic examples of youth sports burnout....to be continued...

More tips on student-athlete development & NCAA recruiting in Zero Offseason, available at www.Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438784308&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

 

 

Zero Offseason - Interview with WSJ's Small Biz Report

Very much appreciate the interview with Gordon Deal of the Wall Street Journal's "Small Business Report."  We covered my book Zero Offseason and the ABC's of Divorce & Sports Parenting.

If you pick up Zero Offseason @ Amazon thru Friday, Aug 7th email me and I'll send you a free PDF copy of the book to share with other sports parents, student-athletes and coaches.

www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438695625&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

Failure & Survivors

Good article from Both Sides of the Table re: grit, failure & entrepreneurs.

http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2015/07/29/survivors/

Coaching Up the Parents: Process-Oriented Goals

Coaching Up the Parents: Process-Oriented Goals

Process-Oriented Goals

Goal Setting: Avoid outcome-based goals.  Parents should help athletes set process-oriented goals which allows the athlete to get “present.”  And getting present allows the athlete to then focus on the controllables.

Release the Outcome:  There’s a ton of factors outside of an athlete’s control that impact outcome.  Stay dialed-in on improving process and accepting outcomes.  Learn a lesson, press delete, and move on.

Even Steve Jobs got Fired: In the 1980’s Jobs personally brought in John Scully to take Apple to the next level.  And the outcome?  Scully had Jobs fired from his own company!  Now that is arguably a bad outcome.  Bad stuff happens regardless of talent, preparation and effort.  Learn a lesson, press delete, move on…and come back stronger.  Jobs did.

Coaching Up the Parents: Pre & Post Game Routines

Coaching Up the Parents:  Pre & Post Game Routines

Pre and Post Game Routines

Pre-Game Preparation:  This one is counter-intuitive.  But parents should discuss the bad things that can happen regardless of effort. Help the athlete develop coping skills and reduce game day pressure by explaining that mistakes can happen, will happen, but mistakes are just part the process and are not the end of the world.

Post-Game Review: Remind parents to leave some breathing room before offering up ideas for improvement to the youth athlete.  As coaches we’ve all seen the parent barking at their kid after the game before they even reach the car!  Parents should ask questions about improving areas the athlete can control – effort, focus, teamwork, etc.  Asking anyone to improve in areas they cannot control just leaves them frustrated and demoralized.

Parents’ Support:  The best pre and post-game role for sports parents is to provide support to the athlete.  Be the safe haven for the youth athlete away from the field.  Let the coach do the coaching while parents keep the athlete motivated to stick with it and improve on last game’s performance.

Coaching Up the Parents: Comparisons

Coaching Up the Parents: Comparisons

Comparisons

Patience: Allow the athlete to develop at his or her own pace.  If they love to play, allow some breathing room and time to achieve their potential.  Help parents encourage the athlete to stick with it rather than badgering them about what they can and cannot do.

Self-Charting: Only compare the youth athlete against where he or she was last game or last season.  Some kids are just supremely gifted and it is unfair to compare the typical athlete against prodigies.  Show the athlete tangible proof of improvement. 

This isn’t about coddling; it’s about positive reinforcement and keeping kids invested so they receive the life lessons taught in team sports.  The parents must be in lock-step with where they see the youth athlete’s current stage and future expectations for improvement.

Proof of Concept:  There’s no better example of what’s possible than Michael Jordan.  Cut from his high school basketball team, he stayed with it to become the greatest athlete in history.  Jordan was not the “chosen one” as a high school sophomore.  He was cut.  Use examples of what’s possible through hard work, discipline, and grit.

Coaching Up the Parents: Concussion Management

Coaching Up the Parents, Part V

Concussion Management

Training:  Encourage parents to hold us coaches accountable.  Parents should ask if the child’s coaches are trained in concussion management – identifying symptoms and following “return to play” policies.

Education: Parents are absolutely responsible for learning about concussion management to protect their athlete.  Provide parents with concussion resource material.

Align Goals:  Parents must be aligned on what sports their child will play.  Especially when it comes to contact sports like football.  There are a lot of team sports to choose from.  Parents should listen to the spouse’s or ex’s concerns about what sports they are comfortable allowing the child to play.  And listen to child – don’t “force” him (or her) to play a contact sport like youth football.  It is not worth it.  Football is not the place to “toughen up.”

Coaching Up the Parents: Divorce & Sports Parenting

Coaching up the Parents:  Divorce & Sports Parenting, Part IV

  Divorce & Sports Parenting

One anecdote I share with parents every season is Alec Baldwin vs. Kim Basinger.  After a nine year marriage, Baldwin and Basinger waged war with an eight year custody battle, involving $3M in court costs and legal fees, and 90 + court proceedings. Who benefits from that?

First Things First: Parents should have a parenting plan that supports the yearly sports schedule, including practices, games, and summer camps.  It’s tough love but it is toxic and unfair to the team and other sports parents to allow one set of parents to create a disruptive, negative environment.  Address this issue early with the parents.     

Child Support:  Youth sports is considered an “extracurricular” activity by most state courts (check with your jurisdiction). What this means is that in many states you cannot force the ex to pay for certain sports activities in a child support plan.  Sports parents need a game plan for approaching an uncooperative ex about sharing youth sports expenses.

Explain the life skills that youth sports provide for childhood development.  Studies show that high school athletes have higher grades and graduation rates compared to non-athletes.  And this is especially important for the guys: male non-athletes are 10 times more likely to quit school compared to those playing sports.     

Best Interests Standard:  Some ex-spouses will act like a jerk regardless – routinely dropping their child off late to practice, etc.  When this happens, show some flexibility to keep the athlete on the team in a structured, positive environment.

Coaching Up the Parents: Align Goals & Ego

Coaching Up Sports Parents, Part III

Aligning Goals and Ego

Ask Questions:  Encourage parents to ask their child why he or she wants to play sports.  Parents should align their goals to the child’s goals (not the other way around.)

Check the Ego: Parents need to suck it up - do whatever it takes to create a positive, aligned set of expectations with the spouse or ex for supporting the youth athlete.  Check the ego.  Too many parents equate “bleacher status” with the quality of their parenting.  Do what is in the best interests of the youth athlete.

Who’s Experience?: Remind parents that this is their child’s sports journey.  Parents shouldn’t use this experience as a way to relive past glories or make up for lost time. Married with Children’s Al Bundy scored four touchdowns in a single game!  Yes, and?

Coaching Up the Parents

Coaching up the Parents, Part II

I.            Parents Support, Don’t Coach

Parent-Athlete-Coach Communication:  Parents must get on the same page with the spouse (or ex) concerning communications with the coach, expectations of the youth athlete, and the parenting plan and child support expenses for youth sports.  This is the foundation.

Sports Parenting Role: Effective sports parenting is about providing unconditional support to the athlete.  There’s no need for the parent to become an expert in whatever sport the child plays.  Let the coach do the coaching.  There’ll be a ton of bad days of practice or mistakes in the game and the athlete will look to the parents (hopefully) for support. Remind parents that “players play, coaches coach and parents support.”

Don’t “Wing it”:  Effective sports parenting is a skill that requires hard work.  Parents should study and develop a game plan for how to build pre-game confidence and post-game coping and learning skills in the youth athlete.

Coaching Up the Parents, Part I of VIII

Coaching up the Parents - Part I of VIII

Coaching is a tough gig.  But the payoff is great – we get a $3K stipend and a free windbreaker.  We’re responsible for leading a wide range of parents from those demanding to win every game to the parents who simply and unfortunately don’t care.  We handle divorced parents at war with each other and negotiate with parents wanting their student-athlete to play every position…and oh occasionally we might see a parent or two who see their child as the starting QB and nothing less. 

For coaches a good way to set a positive tone is in the preseason parent-coach meeting and regular parent-coach check-ins during the offseason.  Here’s a checklist of seven topics for coaches to discuss with parents (and guardians) during these meetings on effective sports parenting from my book, Zero Offseason.

...to be continued....

Grit & Resiliance: Disney; Lasseter; Jobs & Jordan

Got to love these stories of resilience:

Walt Disney once got fired for being "uncreative."  Things turned out okay.

John Lasseter got fired from Walt Disney for being "too far out there."  Lasseter then went on to become the Chief Creative Officer at a little studio called Pixar.

And Steve Jobs got fired from his own company!  This freed Jobs up to invest some time and $5M to keep Pixar afloat during the lean start-up years. 

Lastly, Michel Jordan was not the "chosen one" growing up.   Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team as a sophomore. 

Work with your student-athlete on grit.  Grit doesn't guarantee future success but it sure seems like a necessary ingredient.  

Zero Offseason: The ABC's of Divorce & Sports Parenting

Zero Offseason covers the "ABC's of divorce & sports parenting:  aligning goals between co-parents, youth coaches and players; following the best interests standard with the parenting plan and child support; and controlling the controllables. 

It's a quick, easy read for busy sports parents and available @ www.amazon.com

If you pick up a copy by Friday, July 24th shoot me an email and I'll send you a free PDF version to share with other sports parents, coaches and student-athletes.

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1437242851&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason&pebp=1437242901908&perid=0N8E62618RT6A2ZK324Y

Navy Seals Creed - Adversity

Love this Navy Seals Creed that Dallas Cowboys TE Jason Witten keeps in his locker.

I will never quit;
I persevere and thrive on adversity;
My team expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than our competition;
If knocked down, I will get up every time;
I will draw on every remaining source of strength to help my team and to accomplish our goal;
I am never out of the fight

Sports Parenting Resource: Positive Coaching Alliance

Positive Coaching Alliance.

Great (free) resource for youth coaches, sports parents and student-athletes.

https://www.positivecoach.org/

TED Talk: Youth Sports & Grit

With summer sports camps going on now, it's worth it to watch (or rewatch) Angela Duckworth's 6-minute video on the importance of "grit" to success.  Angela was also recently interviewed on the Spartan Up podcast on grit.

http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit

Divorce & Negotiation Tips

Quick tips for divorce & negotiations:

1. Understand the difference between an "initial" no vs. a "final" no.

2. The law of reciprocity - this applies to both positive and negative actions.

3. Like, know, and trust - develop this (at least the trust part!) before the "ask."

4. Preparation is key - understand the other side's interests, values and motivations.

5. Maintain credibility - don't throw the negotiation anchor out too far.  Be realistic.

6.  One-Off vs. Ongoing Relationship - unlike leasing a car or buying a house you will see the other party for decades to come.  Keep it civil, don't grab all the Skittles off the table.

7.  Reality Checks - really evaluate how the decisions you and ex agree on will play out down the road.

8. Body language - most of what is communicated is done thru visual ques.  Are you putting the ex at ease or ramping up the tension in the room?

Helicopter Sports Parents

“Sports-Dad Sues High School Track Coach for $40M.”

True story!  A track dad sued his son’s coach and school when the student-athlete was removed from the team for unexcused absences.  Track dad claimed this harmed his son’s chances at a college scholarship.  But what college coach wants to deal with that family for next four years?  Don't be that guy. 

Divorce & Negotiations: Ten Skittles on the Table

There's ten Skittles on the table.  It's okay to gobble them all up when involved with one-time negotiations - car lease; buying a house, etc....negotiations where you won't see the other party again. 

Not so much when it comes to divorce and negotiations.  Chances are, whether you like it or not, you'll see the ex for the next ten, twenty, thirty years at birthday parties, graduations, youth sports games, school events.  So, don't gobble up all the Skittles on the table when you sit down to negotiate a change in the parenting plan or additional child support to pay for summer sports camps. 

Keep in mind that child support is NOT "mandatory" for extracurricular activities like sports and camps and other events that are not specifically related to education, healthcare, and housing.  So, you must negotiate your position and allow the other side to come away feeling good about the situation as well.   

It's not about being weak or giving in but really about self-preservation and creating goodwill for when you need something from the other side down the road and they hold the leverage on that specific issue.

More divorce and sports parenting tips in my book, Zero Offseason, now available at www.Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Divorce-Sports-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00PLY51RW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1435757009&sr=8-2&keywords=zero+offseason

Interview on The ABC's of Divorce & Effective Sports Parenting

Looking forward to my podcast interview next week with Octane Athletic Performance. 

We'll cover the "ABC's" of divorce & effective sports parenting: aligning goals between parents, athletes and coaches; following the best interest standard on parenting plans and child support; and staying on top of the controllables.

You can check out some of Jason's past interviews below at his website.

http://octaneathleticperformance.com/

Zero Offseason: Student Athlete Development & NCAA Recruiting Tips

My book on student athlete development and NCAA recruiting tips is now available at www.amazon.com.  It's a quick read for busy sports parents.

Free download on Kindle right now for Amazon Prime members.

If you pick up a copy and send me an email by Monday, June 29th I'll send you a free PDF version to share with other coaches, athletes and sports parents.

Zero Offseason: Student Athlete & NCAA Recruiting Tips

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Offseason-Student-Development-Recruiting-ebook/dp/B00XT6XAEK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435428367&sr=8-1&keywords=zero+offseason

Youth Sports and Future Entrepreneurs

Great article from Geekwire on the value of youth sports and life skills.  Playing pop warner isn't about going pro.  In fact the odds are a little staggering - .08% of youth football players make it to the NFL.  Youth sports is about building a skill set for later in life - leadership, grit, resilience...that's why all the time and effort driving to practice is worth it.

 http://www.geekwire.com/2013/youth-sports-startup-founder/